The opposite of enmeshment is detachment.  Detachment is the idea of being in a relationship and not really being present.  I understand this (again non-professionally) as having a relationship whereby if the other person suddenly disappeared you would not be real upset, life would go on.

Detachment is not surprising in environments where there has been abuse or other great hurts.  It may feel as though there is detachment when there is adultery or other wounds to a marriage.  I saw this in my own parents marriage where my mum felt quite detached from my father but when he died was quite devastated, she had not realised how attached they still were.

The question is how does someone overcome detachment? I am not a professional but I know part of the answer is to rebuild trust.  This is not an easy process, a recent article in The Age raises the idea that it takes years to rebuild trust after adultery.  Other work I have read indicated one couple took five years to totally (re)trust each other.  Regardless of the time it takes it is a process not an overnight thing.

We also sometimes need to rebuild trust with God.  When God has not done what we think He should have we get shaken.  This does not mean that God has changed but what were expecting may not have been right, correct or even godly.  We need to see that God is still God and our putting God into a box is limiting God to being our servant and not letting Him be who He truly is.

So who are you trying to build trust with?

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